Perry Packs Heat - Blasts Coyote

Ok - so it's not exactly cycling, but it's close . . .

Texas Gov. Perry fatally shoots coyote

AUSTIN -- Pistol-packing Texas Gov. Rick Perry has a message for wily coyotes out there: Don't mess with my dog.

Perry (R) told the Associated Press on Tuesday that he needed just one shot from the laser-sighted pistol he sometimes carries while jogging to take down a coyote that menaced his puppy during a February run near Austin.

Perry said he carries his .380 Ruger -- loaded with hollow-point bullets -- when jogging on trails because he is afraid of snakes. But when a coyote came out of the brush toward his daughter's Labrador retriever, Perry charged.

He said he was jogging without his security detail shortly after sunrise when the coyote focused on the dog.

Perry said the laser pointer on his gun helped make a quick, clean kill. "It was not in a lot of pain," he said. "It pretty much went down at that particular juncture."

And there you have it folks.

"You have to admit there's a literal connection, Dude."
- Walter Sobchak, The Big Lebowski

Though a laser sight is not always required gear, I guess it does give a distinct advantage for discreet wildlife defense on jogging trails, especially when a lab is bounding around near the target.

I am sure this article started out as a "oh, my gosh, can you believe it?!?" sort of thing for the more genteel readers, but I can guarantee down in the Republic this could be used for a campaign commercial.

"Rick Perry likes Rugers? I like Rugers - he gets my vote!" =)

Un-Armed and In-Danger; a Waltz with Cujo

Last weekend our 80 mile training ride was fraught with danger at multiple turns. We like to take long rides east of I-35 in the open pasture areas where the roads are long and straight and there really isn't any traffic to mention. Only problem is the lack of traffic apparently leads to a little bit of crime, which in turn leads to irresponsible people leaving their dogs off-leashes, un-tied and otherwise patrolling the ditches looking for ankles. I guess the dog coverage is a good theft deterrent, but damn it makes for a poor riding atmosphere. We were assaulted by at least 7 groups of dogs. Chris keeps count, I don't, I would need to verify. Anyway, the dog attacks usually go 1 of 3 ways.

In the first scenario the dogs do a little yipping and end up staying put. Great job by their owners; you know how to train your dogs, nice and responsible. In the second scenario a dog will bark and give chase, but really doesn't want to come too close to you and basically turns away before getting in harm's way. Scenario number three is the one which really sucks and we had this on 3-4 occasions this weekend. In scenario number three, the dog gives chase and he really doesn't want you to go. He/she will criss-cross in front of your bike (I'm talking at 20-25 mph, not barbie-bike-bell-ringing cruising speed) He will try to seriously get at your ankles, you will feel slobber from its jaw and you will wonder "what happens next". About half the time you can use your water bottle to fend off these brutes, a little water tricks them into hesitating and backing off. Sometimes they just keep coming; hell they don't care. I was about 18 inches from running over one this weekend and not sure how I avoided it, I was prepared to bunny hop him, which would have put my chain ring and pedals right into his gut which may have ended his running days. Seriously, I love animals, I love dogs, but in a fight or flight scenario, I will attempt to take down whatever animal or whatever happens to be challenging my spot at the top of the food chain. Its not just bikes, these dogs are a nuisance, they would have chased us if we'd been jogging or on foot. You know; I've never seen any joggers out that way, now I know why-on a bike I've got a chance to outrun; on foot I'd be toast.

Speaking of out running, we joked on the way into the gauntlet that really you didn't need to be the fastest rider to avoid dogs, you just needed to be faster than your mate. I tested this theory with vigor as we came up on the first dogs, this big fella came from the back yard and I was already moving pretty good so I had the jump on 'em. I kicked it up to 25 mph and looked back to see he had also kicked it up a notch and was gaining; I dug deeper and pulled up another 5mph (still early in the ride, so I still had a full head of steam-this was not the case later) I pulled away and felt liberated to see him pull off!! I had done it!! Now I'm wondering; how are my two mates in the rear. Well the theory was shit, because they came strolling along at a nice leisurely pace, ice cream cones in hand and just waved at the dogs who were now panting on the side side of the road having been bested and worn-out by me. Lesson learned, I won't lead the charge through the gauntlet again.

As far as being armed, I wish I had my pellet or .22 pistol on hand this time, because I would have needed it if one of these dogs had taken me off my bike. I love dogs, but I love my bike and my own personal safety just a bit more. I was about to burst through all of Maslow's Hierarchy in one afternoon, it would have been a truly transformational experience. I have since learned they sell a good deal of mace for dogs. Probably US Postal grade. I will get some of this and see if it helps with my next Cujo waltz.

The Marlin Papoose

A classic of bipedal travel.

The Marlin Papoose is lightweight, accurate - and damn handy. Plus the wood stock tends to scream "sportsman" or rabbit hunter, thus calming the locals who would otherwise be alarmed at the look of the AR-7 (the Papoose's James Bond cousin).

Though it is much more exciting to mount some sort of Ruger 10-22/Gatling-hybrid to the ole handlebars, having something to stow away in the pannier packs is to be preferred for general travel.

Chill in the Hills; Hill Country New Year's Ride

New Year's day was a blast, literally. It was a blast of cold air hitting my face for 52 miles in a 20 mph wind. The wind was against us all morning no matter which direction we were riding. It's funny how often this is the case; you ride a route out and back, the wind is in your face on the way out and upon your return you are up against it yet again. It really likes to swirl around cyclists sometimes, but that is good, adversity is healthy for the soul and makes for a more challenging experience (always remember the journey is the thing) Temperature on Friday was 37 at the start and about 51 when we finished. To say the least we were cold, but we were invigorated to have begun the new year by getting out and taking on 2010 head on as opposed to sitting home and waiting for it to hit us. I believe a new tradition was born, the New Year's Day Frost-Cyclefest-mark it down Smokey, we will roll.

-I may be premature, surely you don't have a tradition unless you do it more than once? We shall see if my companions and I are willing to make the jaunt next year.

Happy New Year's everyone; cheers!

How does this thing work?

To this point I have been unable to get myself motivated to sit down and put my first words on this blog. I am not sure how to describe the feelings I have on this subject. I want to write here and I am excited to write here, but I can not bring myself to write here. Is it really writer's block if you haven't really started? Failure to launch comes to mind or possibly performance anxiety? *Insert neo-Freudian-based joke here. In large part due to my inability to "create" I am forcing myself to sit down and write as a sort of punishment for not writing. Anyway, at least you know where my mind is as I set pen to paper, er, screen or what have you.

As far as Armed Cyclists go I'm afraid I have been unarmed now for a few weeks. I have only been on my bike twice since Thanksgiving and my waistline is beginning to show the results of my inertia. Yesterday I cleaned out the garage and actually fondled my bike a few times and in doing so imagined myself flying down some back Texas highway in search of transcendence. I even staked out a new spot to store my bike-I hung a hook on the back wall suitable for my beloved and will now be hoisting my two-wheeler up in the air for storage. For some reason this feels right though as surely this is me hoisting my transcendent vehicle to the gods in some crude show of affection and reverance. Like some crude offering she now hangs on the wall in solemnity, naked and alone.

The Armed Cyclist

The Armed Cyclist - 2009

"What's that?" she asked, motioning towards the two symmetrical forks rising up from both sides of the handlebars on my bike. "They look like deer antlers, except made of plastic, of course."

I think she was being hopeful.

"It's a gun rack," I offered, nonchalantly. My eyes remained focused down into the valley. I thought I saw movement - something small - not quite a deer, but similar in color. How far was that . . . 300 yards?

"Why do you need a gun rack on a bike?" My concentration broke.

I couldn't see her face, but I knew the expression. I wondered about the animal down in the valley. Could it be a marmot? Were they this far south?

I finally turned towards her.

Crystal blue eyes framed by dark circles, like small baroque picture frames. She was beautiful, but it was wrong.

She looked lost. Longing for some words. Comfort. Anything.

It was my turn to speak.

"Honey, I don't think it's going to work out between us."